Sunday, November 12, 2006

Cemetery Man

See it.

It may be your only chance to see an Italian/French zombie movie, dubbed into english, with an english actor in the lead role, produced in part by both the BBC and the prime minister of Italy.

Who am I kidding. No, it isn't. But it's a fantastic picture anyway. Rupert Everett. Necrophilia. Terrible special effects. Terrible. Visible wires on flies, and lumps of glue holding on parts of zombies. Bad continuity. Here, the device of putting all exposition into voice-over narration that nearly drove me to violence while watching "New World" (fuck you, Terry Malick. Fuck you with a rotten imperialist cock. With syphilis.) is actually done deftly and appeallingly.

Even though the tone, dialogue, and cinematography mirror the style of late sixties and early seventies italian film, and the film does seem to be set at sometime in the sixties, the extras seem to wear whatever they happened to show up in. There is no real consistency to the time period, or to geography. This film is many things- well thought out, well written, well acted- but not expensive. And that's ok. That's great, actually.

This movie is the Target of zombie movies. Target makes all their money from the realization that compared to all other components of a product, design is cheap. And design can be enough. A cute red plastic breadbox brings them into the stores; a cheap t-shirt with some jackass design on it works as well. Cemetary Man is all thought and no wallet. Because if there's anything cheaper than design, it's good writing.

Watch this movie. Even if you don't like zombie movies. It may be better if you don't. These zombies may be slow, but they sometimes...well, they talk.

Zombie nun.
Zombie boyscouts.
Fat guy vomiting.
Nicest tits I've ever seen on a zombie.
Things on strings as special effects.
Sexual use of the word "ossuary".
A zombie on a motorcycle.
Bus accident (with decapitation)

I'll tell you a secret,'s not really a zombie movie. See it.


nic said...

Love, love, love this movie. Rob gave me a tape of it one year for Xmas. That's when I decided I needed to marry him and have babies with him. I loaned it to a guy who worked at IHOP and did hair but he never returned it. :(

HoboHermit said...

And that is why you and rob are two of my favorite people who can't dunk.

pineapple said...

oh my god...can i find this in a video store?

it sounds perfect for me! yay!!!
have you started to read world war z yet?

HoboHermit said...

I went to the store for World War Z and it was out. I'm ordering it.

I got this movie from netflix, and it's fairly recent, so I don't know why you wouldn't be able to find it. It's sometimes called "Dellamorte Dellamore". I think you need to see it. For your the sake of your soul, or gluten-free soul substitute.

eddie said...

Cemetery man is THE movie that got me into bad zombie type flicks. My friends and I went on a mission to find it in high school, pre ordinary use of amazon/google/netflix. It was a tough battle, but we found it. The search just made it that much sweeter.

Seeing this movie is a requirement for continued living.