Tuesday, January 02, 2007

How to make your own granola.

1 bottle red wine
1 can, pumpkin puree.
2 eggs, beaten
1 cup sugar and 1/2 cup sugar
Nutmeg, Cinnamon, Spices
3 crunchy granola bars
1/2 bag white chocolate chips
2 sticks butter
No shame

1. Drink at least half a bottle of red wine.
2. Begin to make a pumpkin pie.
3. Realize that you have no flour.
4. Decide that you will make a graham cracker crust.
5. Realize that you have no graham crackers.
6. Decide that graham grackers and granola bars are essentially the same thing.
7. Melt 3/4 cup of butter in a microwave safe bowl.
8. Add 1/2 cup of sugar, and 1/4 tsp of vanilla.
9. Realize you don't have a rolling pin.
10. Or a food processer.
11. Put the granola bars into a heavy plastic bag.
12. Slam the granola bars into heavy things, like books and walls and in car doors.
13. While you're wrecking the kitchen, someone goes out to the store.
14. And brings back a premade pie crust.
15. Pour the pumpkin custard into the premade pie shell.
16. Put the granola chunks into the bowl of butter and sugar.
17. It smells good.
18. Put the granola mixture onto a cookie sheet. Decide that it will stick. Scrape it off. Put parchment paper on the cookie sheet, then put the granola on. Toss whatever happens to be around, say, the white chocolate chips, on top.
19. Bake the pie, and the granola mixture, in the oven at 320, then 450. Forget how to make custard.
20. Take out the granola. It smells good. Consider that it may be bar cookies.
21. Cut it into bars.
22. When it crumbles into unrecognizable bits, switch to hard liquor. Laugh.
23. Begin smashing at the hard mass with manual can opener, kitchen scissors, and anything stainless steel weighing less than 3 lbs.
24. Taste the crumbs.
25. Decide to try them over yogurt.

Congratulations, genius, you've just made granola out of granola bars.

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