Thursday, October 12, 2006

It's not for me.

It's not.

I can't do it.

I expected to feel a slight twinge tonight, at my friend's wedding rehearsal.

Actually, that's not accurate. I expected to be infected, tonight, at my friend's wedding rehearsal. I expected, that somehow, by watching my friend be treated as 'the bride', I would feel jealousy, and be filled with the desire to have "my day", as my friend will have "her day" on Saturday. I am, by nature, a jealous person. If someone is treated specially for any reason, I can be relied upon to feel jealous. I've been jealous of a tonsilectomy.

I wasn't jealous tonight. I wasn't anything. All I knew, being taught how to process, being slapped on the back of the head by an old woman, watching my friend be taught how to light candles and not trip over her husband's feet at the kneeler, was that I didn't want to do this again.

I'm just not interested. I can't imagine dressing my closest friends up in little formal uniforms and marching them down an aisle, to watch me perform religious rituals that approach personal meaninglessness. I can't imagine paying and paying and paying and paying and paying, just to throw one party that makes almost no one happy.


chola said...

That, my friend, is why big weddings are dumb. No-one enjoys them. Not you bridal/groom party, not your friends, not you family. No, people go for the reception which is usually pretty damn fun. That's why I skipped all that shite and had a court house weddin' and a big ass reception with dancin' and booze! It was fabulous. Gosh, I hate all that other stuff. The whole thing is so ridiculously silly it makes me spit. And, no, you shouldn't feel jealous. Marriage and kids just don't jibe with some people. That's cool for you. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like that's something you should want and if you don't there's something wrong with you. There's not.

chola said...

Oh, by the way, sorry to have responded in length for you last couple posts. I'm horribly lonely in this closet. That'll learn me to sass the hubby next time.

pineapple said...

freaking exactly. i cannot think of one single thing about weddings that is appealing.

they seem like a giant waste of money. like a prom, for grown ups, that is even dumber and more expensive except you have to pay for it all by yourself.