Sunday, September 03, 2006

Can this relationship survive?

My boyfriend and I have weathered a lot of difference in these four years. Apart from the severely personal that would turn blog into LiveJournal...there have been political conflicts (he's a republican, whereas I have compassion for the human condition), geographic conflicts (When I lived in Vermont, he lived in Massachusetts. When I moved to Massachusetts, he responded by immediately moving to Rhode Island), and philosophical conflicts (sometimes, he thinks I am being unreasonable, whereas I counter that he is an asshole).

But through all this, we have maintained what I like to think of as a remarkable partnership.

I think, however, I've found the limit of our relationship. You see, I like movies.

I like movies like a high-school nymphomaniac likes sex. Like grimy Sandi, taking all comers regardless of charm or hygeine or whether they'll buy her a Junior Bacon Cheese first, I don't excercise what many would call 'judgment' when it comes to films. Sure, there are some movies I don't like (The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Man Bites Dog, any with helicopters), but the movies I do like, I like regardless of quality or redeeming characteristics.

I'm not like some bad-film purists I know (Hi Rob!) or serious film students, (Hi Paul!) or relentless blockbuster consumers (Hi April!). I span all categories. But I can be counted on to watch any movie that has a decaying skull as a movie poster.

My boyfriend likes "good movies". You know, movies with thoughtful dialogue, sensitive and understated acting, or Eddie Murphy.

This leaves me watching many fine films alone. Such as the first three Jason movies a friend loaned me. Which I loved the hell out of. Alone. Weep. Cry. Tragedy.

Recently, looking for a movie to watch on on-demand, I suggested this or this . He did not agree to either. Although I think the one with the zombies in the forest would have been pretty awesome, and guarantee a scene with a chainsaw in it.

We ended up watching this . Which I didn't mind at all. Because I'm a whore. And I'll watch anything. Boyfriend pretty much hated it. I'll admit, it's not a great movie. But, it has Samuel L. Jackson. With Asthma. Julianne Moore, doing basically what Julianne Moore does. Which is fine. Not great. But fine. If I were Julianne Moore, I'd act like a woman with larger breasts, but that's just me. And, it features Edie Falco,who is interesting when she is not Carmela Soprano.

I'll admit. It wasn't the best movie I've seen in a long time.

This was. I recommend it, without reservation. Unless you happen to be my boyfriend. Then you won't enjoy it. Because it features zombies, aliens, and australia. And it's wonderful. And it's creative. And it's just pretty great as a whole. It's one of those movies that if you had diarrhea, you'd seriously consider adult diapers, in order to maintain continuity.

But can I live in a world, in a relationship, where I can't share my greatest joy (zombies) with the man I care for, somewhat?

I've seen a lot of relationships come and go. And I've seen interracial romances work. Long-distance. I've seen relationships work where one partner actively tried to undermine the other in all things, for twenty-five years (Hi, mom!). But I've never seen a relationship work where one partner was pro-zombie, while one partner didn't even like Dead Alive. Which, if you haven't seen it, is the zombie movie to show to people who don't even like zombie movies.

Disclaimer (To Guy): I don't mean it. You're great. I'm sure we'll overcome our differences. But next time I pick a movie, I'm not going to try to be kind and choose a middle-of-the road thriller. I'm going with something where somebody's guts come out. Because if you're going to hate it anyway, I might as well love the hell out of it.


Roger Williams said...

Hey, now! I like some zombie movies, especially the Romero ones (and even some of the Romero remakes).

"Freedomland" sucked serious dog balls, though, and I won't back down from that stance. Never have I wanted to punch anyone in the face as much as I wanted to smack Julianne Moore for her horrible, horrible method acting, and of course I also wanted to assault the Scriptwriting Robot for what was, even by his abysmal standards, a completely half-assed effort!

Roger Williams said...

Ooh! There's more! The Wikipedia article on Freedomland states:

"Critics hated it for the most part, most citing Moore's overacting and the contrived storyline as its main flaws. The New York Times especially hated the film, calling it "an early contender for the worst film of the year."

You KNOW it's not often that I agree with the New York Times about anything, but damn, we agree on this one!

Paul said...

I think you both should target the upcoming Tim Robbins movie as a mutual hate target. It's called Catch A Fire, and he plays a South African named Nic Vos. And he attempts the South African accent. And it looks horrible from the trailer.

While I believe it does have helicopters, you two could watch it and make a parody. Perhaps zombies battling a liberal for of apartheid in South America. Or South Dakota. Or South Jersey.

South Boston?

That may be too Woolley House Chair of a bonding activity.

Regardless, Nora, I think you should send something for A Lush In Rio. Zombies battling Republican helicopters.

Also, if I'm not a Republican anymore but still don't give a shit about people, what party should I be in?

Reel Fanatic said...

Are you sure you wanna stick with a guy who doesn't like the Undead? .. that would be a dealbreaker for me, I think

Rob said...

You still must watch the rest of the Friday the 13th series, even number 9 which is absolutely ridiculous, I won't elaborate here because I could go on quite extensively on the subject, but you must at least see it to see how bad things can get. (New Line cinema destroyed the series in many ways... hold it in... hold it in... I may have to write my own blog on the subject) Fortunately for me Nichole likes the bad movies, last night we watched/fell asleep to Vampire Night Orgy, and she picked it out!

Roger Williams said...

I still maintain that "Man Bites Dog" is a brilliant movie, despite a rape scene that leaves every woman on earth feeling squicky.

At least it doesn't have any damned zombies in it.