Sunday, July 02, 2006

Bad Meeting.

So. Lets look at two concepts in food. And let's think about them.
First, we have sliced bread. It's a breakthrough, in convenience, in portability (sandwiches without pre-siced bread can be either a triumph or a tragedy. There is no middle ground.)

Second, we have pudding in a tube. Chocolate. From the fine people at Hershey's.
it seems to offer the same conveniences. It also improves portability. And with it, convenience.

The difference is that sliced bread was an innovation that fills a need. Possibly, it was one man's eureka.

And portable pudding is the perfect example of a concept I like to call "Bad Meeting".

Bad Meeting is what happens when self-congratulatory groupthink ejaculates into the radioactive petri dish of sleep deprivation, insanity, and marketing, and is allowed to grow in the fertile medium of too much resources, nurtured by yes-men, and never, ever, ever doubted.

Encountering the products of bad meeting, you can almost hear the giddy brainstorming of men and women, clad in business casual, wringing every flow chart, inference, and thought bubble granted them by their degrees in communcation, of all logic or meaning.

"So, when do people eat pudding?"
"No! Think outside of the box! When DON'T people eat pudding?"
"For breakfast?"
"Yogurt's got that market cornered. When else don't people eat pudding? And why not!"
"Genius, Lenny! Genius!"
"Um...At work?'ll get on their paperwork?"
"And why don't they want it on their paperwork?"
"It'll stain....we could do clear pudding!"
"It'd have to be greaseless, too."
"Fuck. Ok. Not at the desk, then. But you're thinking, Amy, I like that."
" their cars?"
"Why not?"
"Because, you can't steer and hold a spoon"
"There are lots of things you can't do and hold a spoon. But maybe, just maybe, you could still eat pudding. If that wasn't a problem."
"We could pack a special spoon. An on the go spoon! Maybe...with a strap. To hold it to your finger. Like a banjo pick!"
"You're thinking of a mandolin, I think."
"No, I'm pretty sure it's a banjo."
"Listen, it's not important..."
"That's fine, because it's a banjo"
"I will destroy you."
"You're both missing the point. No matter what you do, pudding in a cup is always a two-hand job. Unless..."
"Yes, Amy, unless...."
"Unless you drink it! We could make it really thin....and...then they could use a straw..."
"No, no, we learned during the instant consomme debacle that people don't like sucking room temperature gels through a straw."
"But what if...what if it was only a straw. Like a pixie stick! But huge!"
"Yes! A tube! Full of pudding! Then people could eat it everywhere! "
"I'm seeing tie-ins! Extreme sports! Let's see if we could get someone to do it on a snowboard!"

No comments: