Friday, February 13, 2009

Feelings are poo.

I think that's the most crude title I've ever put on a blog post. Not the most obscene, but the most juvenile. That said, it being the day before Valentines' Day, and also the day after the day after the occasion of my little sister's engagement, I'd like to share a bit of personal philosophy that I originally shared only with her:

Feelings are like bowel movements.

If you can remember this, you will never go wrong.

Everyone has them, barring serious pathology. Although frequency and significance may vary, both feelings and bowel movements are a part of life. This is known to all adults, but very small children are often informed of the fact at appropriate times.

Babies are not expected to be in control of either. Their parents find this endearing, but others, less so.

It is not necessary, and in fact, often displays poor judgment to talk about them in casual conversation. However, it is often appropriate, if something appears seriously amiss, unusual, or painful, to speak with a doctor, very close relative, or trusted friend about them.

No matter how strange, disturbing, or uncomfortable they are - it is very likely that you are not alone. There is no shame in seeking professional advice, if the pain persists for an inordinate amount of time after its' cause. (say, lamb vindaloo, or a bad breakup).

Speaking about either on a cell-phone in an packed elevator or on a crowded train is a guaranteed way to make strangers wish for your death, although sometimes, eavesdropping on these conversations can be quite entertaining.

If you expect to experience either with any degree of severity or violence while in the workplace, you are advised to scout out the most private bathroom in the building, in order to best preserve your professional reputation.

Never trust someone who wants to talk about them, in any depth, on a first date. While the frankness may seem, initially, refreshing - it cannot auger anything good. As well, even in long term relationships, talking too much about them with a romantic partner can result in the loss of all mystery and romance between you.

Attempts to induce either, whether in yourself, or especially in others, are really creepy - although increasingly common on the internet.

While it is best to have some control, attempting to hold either in for any extended period of time will just make things worse. Self-medication, similarly, while occasionally necessary, will similarly come to no good if relied upon. The result is likely to be an absolute inability to have them without chemical assistance, or an unexpected outpouring at an inconvenient time.

It is sometimes best to just let these things take their course, and see how it comes out in the end.

Happy Valentine's Day, everybody.

1 comment:

Rob said...