Saturday, August 09, 2008

Yes, I'm a stereotype.

Which stereotype?

Well. Basically this one: Yes. Goddamnit. It's come to this.

I mean, I worked for Starbucks for three years. And I went to Bennington. And I spent a term working in legal services. And now I'm going into debt to become a lawthing.

But I think about it.

And you know what? I worked really fucking hard to look this fucking generic. Although I did go to Bennington, I'd like it to be known: I got kicked out.

You want to know what's hard? Getting kicked out of a school with no grades, no homework, no organized structure or requirements of any kind. It took a lot of moping, generally pathological passivity, and a resolute refusal to apply myself to anything but the continuous association and disassociation of inappropriate quasi-sex partners. When I look back, I'm astounded that I was able to make such a consummate wreck of those years without the aid of a respectable substance abuse problem.

You know what's even harder?After being booted from said liberal-arts fairyland, looking at your debt, and your relatively low level of skills, and your transcript...to say "Shit, yeah- I'll try again." But, you know, I did. And I chose, after a while, a school that was happy to take me, as long as my checks cleared. And I found a job that gave me health insurance, even dental. So starbucks. And when I found myself, suddenly and almost inexplicably, graduating from college...I decided to go to law school. And it was hard. And it IS hard. Not the work; the lifestyle. The expectations. The presumption of passion and dedication. The uncomfortable chairs.

And I've taken out a great deal of loans to indulge the manifestations of my stereotypy: a one-bedroom apartment; ikea furniture; occasional bacon. And I've been lucky enough to acquire a lovely boyfriend who, through endurance, patience, intelligence, and kindness- amuses and refreshes me and fulfills my baser needs .

I don't mean to write a love letter to myself, about the heroic way I mitigated the effects of my own self-indulgent blue period. I don't want to solicit boundless praise for acting like a responsible adult when faced with unforeseen, yet ordinary circumstances...

My point is more simple. Some of us are born stereotypes; some achieve stereotypicality, and others have it thrust upon them. And, goddamnit, when you've been staring impotently at an administrative law final for going on ten hours, any achievement seems worth trumpeting.

3 comments:

Roger Williams said...

You're very sweet.

Nic! said...

You're not just sweet. I'd reckon that you're fucking rad. I'm glad you're posting more frequently than you had been. I'm prouda you, lady.

Rob said...

4 months with no posts!!!!!